My Son, my sun

Kayan turned 6 months old a couple weeks ago, I have been putting off writing about it because I think I am in denial that he is growing up so fast. The last 6 months have gone by so quickly and yet at the same time my life before we were the three of us seems so far away. I can’t imagine not having him here. My childless friends often ask me what having a child is like? It is hard to put into words, to make proclamation and promises. I am not the type of person to really claim to know a lot of things, I avoid straight forward answers and tend to respond to direct questions with a simple “whatevs” I can however say that from the last 6 months I know with certainty a few things about parenthood

You never realize how much your parents love you until you have your own children. No matter what you do, say, become or don’t your parents are proud of you. Even if you are grown and have lived away from home for a long time, even if you have kids of your own, even if you feel you may have disappointed them, you are the first thing they think about when they wake up and the last thing they think about when they go to sleep.

You can be better than you think you are. You can be more patient. Kinder. Gentler. Funnier. Happier. Stronger. Even if you have never done it before, you can rise to the occasion.

You can find your place. A girlfriend asked me the other day if I feel overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility of taking care of another person. I am by nature a bit of a free spirit, I married a man that allowed me to continue to be so long after other girls have been told to grow up. There is a certain thrill in finally growing up, in saying this person is my responsibility and i am proud and grateful for that opportunity.

You won’t miss your old life. Sure there will be the occasional moment when someone will mention something you used to do and there will be a feeling of nostalgia but it will be filled quickly with a larger sense that you are where you should be, with the people you should be with. I had a great life before Kayan, i traveled, i went great places, i loved it. But if force to choose i would give up all of it, for just an afternoon with my son.

Finally, you will be happy. My son makes me happy everyday, really can’t ask for more than that.